So much of what I do for a living is about bearing witness.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
end of life processing
Mind. Blown.
IB was late coming to breakfast the other day. I went to check on her, and found her looking at photos. We took them into the front room, where she spent the afternoon while I shopped for groceries. When I got back, she showed me the pile. There were about 15 that stood out with coloring from the 70's, and I glanced at them...then again, then again, in further disbelief. They were photos of a wedding, HER wedding, to a man other than the man we know as her husband.
I called the weekend aid, who has also noticed her doing a lot of photo searching. She took a look, and she was blown away. She asked. IB layed out her tale of a boring marriage, an interesting man at work, a divorce, a marriage to whom was now a lover, a death of said lover, and consequent remarriage to the first husband. WOW.
The next day, she pulled out the photos again, and showed them to me. We talked for a long time. About love and loss, scandle without regret, following our hearts, all that stuff that holds the juice of life. How fabulous. As I was leaving, she said, "Honey, there's only a handful of people who know...".
I met privately with MR, wondering if there was anything we needed to know about helping IB process all of this as she continues to "Awaken"...MR had no idea about any of this (I'd assumed she knew)...MIND BLOWN. Keep on as we are, she said. Keep the family out of this. Have IB lead the way in any conversations, be supportive.
The processing at the end of life...I am stepping into this now, and I am so very interested.
KS is weakening quickly. I have begun a series of small discussions with him and his daughters and MR about the coming months...how does he want this to go, how can we help him set up his house to stay in it, how can I help his family to prepare...
They have skipped the Assisted Living step. He's on several waiting lists, but we all realize that he is no longer capable of the ADL's required to live there...nursing homes don't feel right for him. If he continues to fade away, that may be best for him...it fits his style, inch-by-inch...he will stay with us, we will up the shifts however possible, and call Hospice when the time seems right. I have asked MR if I can be on his Hospice team, and she is all for it. His duaghter told me that one of the reasons they did not want him in AL is because they wanted him to keep me as his caregiver. Wow. Just wow...
Things are getting very big...very real....very enlightening.
IB was late coming to breakfast the other day. I went to check on her, and found her looking at photos. We took them into the front room, where she spent the afternoon while I shopped for groceries. When I got back, she showed me the pile. There were about 15 that stood out with coloring from the 70's, and I glanced at them...then again, then again, in further disbelief. They were photos of a wedding, HER wedding, to a man other than the man we know as her husband.
I called the weekend aid, who has also noticed her doing a lot of photo searching. She took a look, and she was blown away. She asked. IB layed out her tale of a boring marriage, an interesting man at work, a divorce, a marriage to whom was now a lover, a death of said lover, and consequent remarriage to the first husband. WOW.
The next day, she pulled out the photos again, and showed them to me. We talked for a long time. About love and loss, scandle without regret, following our hearts, all that stuff that holds the juice of life. How fabulous. As I was leaving, she said, "Honey, there's only a handful of people who know...".
I met privately with MR, wondering if there was anything we needed to know about helping IB process all of this as she continues to "Awaken"...MR had no idea about any of this (I'd assumed she knew)...MIND BLOWN. Keep on as we are, she said. Keep the family out of this. Have IB lead the way in any conversations, be supportive.
The processing at the end of life...I am stepping into this now, and I am so very interested.
KS is weakening quickly. I have begun a series of small discussions with him and his daughters and MR about the coming months...how does he want this to go, how can we help him set up his house to stay in it, how can I help his family to prepare...
They have skipped the Assisted Living step. He's on several waiting lists, but we all realize that he is no longer capable of the ADL's required to live there...nursing homes don't feel right for him. If he continues to fade away, that may be best for him...it fits his style, inch-by-inch...he will stay with us, we will up the shifts however possible, and call Hospice when the time seems right. I have asked MR if I can be on his Hospice team, and she is all for it. His duaghter told me that one of the reasons they did not want him in AL is because they wanted him to keep me as his caregiver. Wow. Just wow...
Things are getting very big...very real....very enlightening.
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